I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He? As in you personified your dick?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
