i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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