Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
