Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
