hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
