Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
