Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
