At least make sure they are 18
Why
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
