Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
