I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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