he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
