How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize