only if we run a train.
done.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
