Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
