It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
