i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
