the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
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