I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I will be naked everywhere
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
