May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
birth control should be required to get into college
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
