so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
