If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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