Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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