Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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