big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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