she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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