walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
