***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
