Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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