when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize