singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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