Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
time to smoke my breakfast
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
