So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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