my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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