You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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