No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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