hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I did not marry a roomba.
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