Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
