Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
