I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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