I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
