Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
