wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
