They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Please, let me fuck your mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
