NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
