he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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