I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
