Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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