I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
