so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
