And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
