dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
