You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
