Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
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