he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
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Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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