Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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