Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
