In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
