yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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